So this year has been completely full of shit! I mean celebrity wise. I was OK for the most part but pop culture has been in shambles sis! So we’ve put together the top ten reads of 2016 straight from the librarian himself! So let’s get into it!!!
#10: Michel’le Drag Dr.Dre in Lifetime biopic, “Surviving Compton”
Girl if you didn’t see this movie, imma need you to find it somewhere on Google or Netflix! Hula-hoop or something cause the shit was good as hell! Now there was a bunch of legal shit that Dre was threatening ol’ squeaky with but clearly that didn’t go far cause she still tootsie rolling around without a care in the world. The movie was good as shit and made us all fall back in love with Michel’le. And even that voice of hers!
#9: Ciara and Russell Wilson finally sexing and having babies!
We was SOOOOOOO glad to finally see Ciara and Russell Wilson get married and have sex! I mean I know that’s frank but shit I hate to see sexy people just wasting they sexy! And they both are just sexy. Remember when we weren’t sure about Russell. Ciara brought a new kinda fine out of him I tell you what! Not only did the get hitched this year, Ciara is also expecting a little love muffin! (Future is still bitter btw) Congratulations again yall!!!
#8: Amber Rose Pulls Kanye West Hoe Card!
One thing you learned this year is NOT to come for Muva Rose or baby Rose. Amber Rose got down into details when Kanye decided to try her; alleging that Kanye is just mad that she’s not the one playing in his booty hole no more!!!! WHEN I SAY WE ALL TOOK COVER! WE DIDN’T KNOW WHO WAS NEXT SHE WAS GOING AWF!!!! She later apologized about her comments but let it be perfectly clear, DON’T COME FOR MUVA and we won’t have any problems.
#7: Twitter and the rest of the world DRAGS Lil Bow Wow as he “re-retires from rap”
Bow Wow makes my skin crawl everytime I have to mention his name. The clown had the nerve to tell us via twitter this year that he would be retiring and the whole world played ride Shad Moss RIDE! Not to mention he called himself crawling back to Cleveland when the Cavs took the ship and lets just say, he was checked at the door! We wanted Teyana Taylor not you Bow Wow!
#6: Chris Brown is the victim of the BIGGEST attention whore stunt of the year!
When we reported this stories it had more holes in it than a block of Swiss cheese so you know I was keeping up with it. So a TROLLOP who will remain nameless and be called TROLLOP decided to set Chris Brown up this summer with an elaborate scheme that I believe his tacky ass baby mama put her up to. The Trollop was in Chris house for a party, she started acting stupid, Chris pulled a gun allegedly, she was kicked out, the police were called and a FULL STAND OFF ENSUED!!! It was a bunch of bullshit though, come to find out the TROLLOP and Nia Guzzman (Brown’s baby mama) are friends! See that’s what I said too!
#5: Kim K robbed in Paris
Speaking of stunts. Let me take that back cause it hasn’t been proven that Kim’s robbery in Paris was a complete and utter sham. But she’s literally not posted on social media since, so if this was a scheme, it’s a damn good one and she’s keeping it up quite well. The details are a little sketchy but the basis is, she was robbed at gun point in her private apartment in Paris. Nobody was injured or hurt and the robbers got away with 18M worth of jewelry including her ring which was about 3/4 of that 18. I know this, WE MISS YOU KIMMY!!! PLEASE COME BACK SOON!
4: Kanye MELTDOWN
This is starting to get in chronological order! So after Kim was robbed, Kanye went into a complete tailspin! First he calling out Beyoncé and Jay Z for not setting up a playdate with Blue and North. He also alleged that Beyoncé buys awards and he was shocked and appalled! Mid show, just walks off stage, cancels the remaining of his Saint Pablo tour and less than a week later is taken to the PSYCH WARD HONEY! Some people are saying because around this time his mom passed, you know it was the anniversary however if you ask me, Kanye should’ve BEEN got into therapy A LONG TIME AGO!! But as of today he’s running around with Trump and probably planning a performance for his inauguration.
#3: Trump wins presidency
Girl we all sat in front of our TVs all night waiting. The sheer fact that Donald Trump was even running for president was laughable, but girl when they announced that he had WON! The entire country took a gasp. Now some was gasping for other reasons but EVERYBODY was shocked! With absolutely NO political experience Donald Trump is our….. Your next president. Social media began the #NotMyPresident hashtag and I’m still in! He ain’t no president of mine! The Lord is my Shepard!!!! I don’t want NOTHING OK!
#2: Beyoncé serves lemonade, Adele says hello and Justin Bieber is sorry.
The soundtrack of 2016 was one for the books. Beyoncé released the messiest album of her career and it was AMAZING! With singles like Sorry, Hold Up and of course Formation was definitely one of the albums of the year. Adele reemerged with her new album 25 and said hello to EVERYBODY! She snatched wigs with her lead single Hello that’s still being played like no other. Bieber had his most successful album with Purpose. Girl he had them Beliebers on 10. Even though he decided to cancel ALL the meet and greets and threw a t-shirt at a fan out the window, they still ride with the Beibs. And I’ll admit the album was really good!
OK SIS YOU CAN PROBABLY GUESS THE #1 GAG OF 2016 CAUSE IT’S WHAT EVERYBODY AND I MEAN EVERYBODY EVEN IF YOU DON’T CARE YOU CARED ABOUT THIS SHIT! LET’S GET RIGHT INTO IT!
#1: BLAC CHYNA AND ROB KARDASHIAN WELCOME BABY GIRL “DREAM” and then BLAC CHYNA STEALS CHRISTMAS!!!!
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START WITH THIS STORY! It all started with that special they had on E! Rob and Chyna where we found out that Chyna aint got much sense and Rob is still a push over. So, from there, they were given the birthing special where we saw Chyna give birth to baby Dream, who is a splitting image of her grandfather the late Robert Kardashian Sr. NOT EVEN 6 MONTHS AFTER THE BABY IS BORN, A FEW WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS CHYNA DONE STOLE EVERYTHING OUT THE DAMN HOUSE! Girl she took the baby furniture, the baby food, the adult food and the baby and got the hell out of dodge. So, Rob gets on Snap Chat crying about how Chyna stole Christmas from him and his Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce! He then followed up with an apology and says whatever happened was his fault and he is sorry and going to get help! Girl I liked to died, everything must be alright though cause just yesterday he was posting little pictures of him and the baby and Chyna is Christmas elves outfits twerking so I guess they doing ok!
MAN, this year has been a MESS! I tell you what with all the foolishness that went down in 2016, I can’t WAIT to see what 2017 has in store for us. You know we LOVE YOU FOR READING and we’ll be reading with you ALL YEAR LONG. HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!