LIBRARIANS I AM SO PISSED OFF! SOMEBODY PULL ME A LEGAL BOOK THAT SPECIALIZES ON DIVORCE CAUSE SOMETHING CAN’T BE TRUE ABOUT THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE!
So if you haven’t heard by now, Mary J. “Crispy Chicken” Blige is going through a divorce from her husband of 13 years Kendu Isaacs. Now the gag is this bastard got the damn nerve to be requesting approximately $130,000 in spousal support! And I know ya’ll wanna know what the hell he gone do with that kinda money. Here’s his plans….
$1,000 for clothing
$3,200 for a personal trainer
$5,000 per month for child support
$5,000 per month for his parents
$7,000 in rent
$8,000 for a private chef
$21,677 for charities
$71,000 for mortgages on several properties
Additional costs for legal fees
Totaling $121,877! Now Mary girl I’m here for you cause I don’t believe no woman should be taking care of a man unless the D was that good and in his case, imma just make a judgement. So imma go through this list with a fine tooth comb and help you keep some of your coins cause this is just ridiculous!
- $1,000 for clothing: BITCH BURLINGTON is good for making a man of his age look
young and hip since that’s what he gone wanna do. He gone try and find him a tenderloin PYT with yo money but not on my watch. And a smooth $200 at Burlington will take you FAR and they got layaway! QUIT PLAYING!
- $3,200 for personal trainer: first of all, he aint in the best shape of his life so clearly this trainer aint doing something right. But I tell you what, there’s a planet fitness on every block nowadays and you can join for $21.00/month and that’s the black card membership! You can use them massage chairs and shit, go in the sauna all that stuff AND you get a t-shirt! That can go with your other clothes from Burlington. So I’m cutting that down to $21/month.
- $5,000 per month for child support: IF YOU THINK IM ABOUT TO PAY YO CHILD SUPPORT YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP! As far as I know Mary aint got no damn kids! Bitch acting like he aint been working as Mary manager for the past how many years so you pay yo own damn child support bitch! 0$ ON THAT!
- $5,000 per month for his parents: God bless your parents, BUT I AINT PAYING FOR THEY ASSES EITHER! 0$ ON THAT!
- $7,000 in rent: YOU BETTA DOWN SIZE LIKE HER! It’s just you now so I’m splitting that in half to $3,500.
- $8,000 for a private chef: If this chef is living with you, he need to kick in on rent and if he aint kicking in you need to get a Rachel Ray cook book! I’ll give you a smooth
$1,000 for cooking classes from Chef Roble!
- $21,677 for charities: You wanna give to charity, do it on your own dime! We not together so WE aint kicking in cause you wanna be charitable! 0$ on that!
- $71,000 on mortgages for several properties: SALE THEM! SALE THEM ALL! Or if you wanna keep them, you pay for them. But Ms. Blige will NOT be spending ANY time at ANY locations! 0$ on that!
So…. our new grand total is…. $4,721! That’s a savings of $117,156!!! Mary, I’m just saying girl, if you need a divorce attorney, come on in The Library and ask for Trey! We’ll come and help you out. And we damn sure won’t be charging you what your lawyers are! EMAIL US GIRL! And as always
I love you for reading
Between this fool and Sherri Sheppard ex, ya’ll can call VH1 and get a reality show! Call it, “SHE GOT IT”! The story of two ex husbands struggling to live off their ex wives. VH1 don’t say I didn’t pitch this idea first!